Momentum is an interesting thing. Especially when it’s stopped. And especially when that stop is good, and necessary, and organic.
For the first time since the start of the 2018 holiday season we, my love and I, and to some extent the pups, find ourselves without a trip, big visit, big event, or other horizon line ribbon in the distant. We’ve been working towards this, all year as we hopped from place to place, and prepped for this and that event, but even so, it’s a bit of a vertigo feeling you get when you don’t have something to move towards. Just the day, just a weekend that’s just a weekend, just some gardening, maybe a hike, who knows.
And what’s really interesting is when you can get yourself to just sit back and observe your inner reaction. The way you might feel at a loss even through the relief you feel. The way you might not really know what to do with yourself, even with the chores and the homebody things to catch up on. The way you forgot what to do with yourself when you don’t have a thing to work towards, even if you know that’s a little silly. It might be silly, but that doesn’t make it any less fair a feeling.
In this society inculcated (taught repeatedly and persistently) by commercialism and consumerism with the message that life isn’t worth living if it isn’t manically exciting, that you’re wasting your time unless you’re doing a Really Big Thing at every moment. We’re imbued from the start with the “virtue” of productivity. It’s almost like life is supposed to be a corporation, and we’re always supposed to be billing our time. Productivity is billing, and if you’re not billing, you’re wasting company time, as it were.
It’s worth ones time, I’m remembering, to step back, and notice this message floating around in the brainpan, and to reming ones self that it’s not only ok, but incredibly necessary to take those moments, as often as you can fit them in, to just be, and breath, maybe garden a little, go on a walk with your sweetie, and produce nothing but your breath and the love in your heart. Make some coffee, listen to some music, watch the cardinal that loves to come every day to that one white ash branch in your back yard just past the window, wait for the little rabbit to come pick at your clover, and watch life get the idea, and slow back down to a healthy pace again.